We headed to our local hospital this morning for bloodwork. He was really scared because it was going to be his first port access, but we talked about how he needed to trust the numbing cream that we put on it and he was ready. Unfortunately the lady doing the blood draw didn’t feel comfortable being the first one to his port and opted to do a traditional in the arm blood draw without numbing cream. Poor Lochlan was so upset. Thankfully it went quickly and we were back in the car and headed home not long after.
We got the call that unfortunately his neutrophil count wasn’t high enough to start the second phase of his treatment, AKA Consolidation. So instead of heading to Halifax tomorrow for chemo, we simply pause for a week and try again next week. Apparently this is quite common, but it was still hard to hear that his little body hadn’t recovered from his last chemo treatment (last Tuesday) to forge ahead. This week we will try our best to simply rest and recover from the intensity of the last month.
My mom came to visit today. And I needed her. I hadn’t seen her since this whole thing started and together we wept and sobbed and simply unloaded all our thoughts and concerns and worries together outside under the trees.While we were outside, Lochlan spent time hanging out with Luke and Mitch, and was able to forget about things for a little while. He even had a few moments with smiles. Those smiles didn’t last long but they still were there and we will be thankful for each and every one he has. Every moment is precious and I feel like I don’t want to close my eyes or blink because I don’t want to miss a moment with him. My heart just hurts… not just emotionally but physically it aches. I have overthought everything we’ve ever done to see if there is something I could have done differently to make his childhood and life better, to possibly prevent this from happening to him. But sadly, or thankfully, there is nothing I would change. I am so grateful for choosing to stay at home, and move to the country, and provide and witness an incredible childhood for him. No regrets & that brings peace.
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