Today was a relatively “good” day, if we can call it that. The fact that the steroids have finally worked out of his system he is feeling more like himself a bit. I decided that since he gets a break from chemo and meds for the week, that this will be the week of physical therapy… building strength back. So when he wanted to go upstairs or downstairs today, I made him do the stairs - one step a time, with me by his side. He was proud of himself but also felt disappointed in how weak he felt which came out in anger at me for making him do it. He also was mad at me for making him go outside, but I let him be in his mood and sure enough he had a nap in the hammock and woke up in much better spirits.
He had a good evening with Mitch and apparently went to bed with ease, and no tears.
But big brother Luke has been such a support for Lochlan lately and I had to shout him out on here. He has been so patient, and kind. He has been Lochlan’s messenger, his side kick, and finally they’ve settled into brothers again it seems. Hanging out, telling stories, annoying each other as brothers do, and encouraging Lochlan through it all.
Trying to protect Luke’s heart through this isn’t easy. Trying to be optimistic and hopeful despite the stats and studies, and yet give the facts to him straight because, like he told us from the start, he didn’t want anyone to hide anything from him , has been like walking a tight rope. A balancing act that we will continue to walk as each day comes.
Cancer didn’t just happen to Lochlan. It’s affected the entire family. Trying to find joy in each day is not just a task for Lochlan but for each of us. And thankfully, for now, Luke - in his 12 year old innocence- is able to find joy more quickly than the rest of us.
For now, at the end of another beautiful day with my boys. I am grateful for the gift of a little more time with them, and for a few smiles along the way.
Comments