Today was a non-eventful day at the hospital for Lochlan and his dad. It was another day of 2.5 hour antibiotic infusions every 6 hours. And it was another day in isolation. So, the two of them spent time drawing, playing video games, watching movies, and moving as much as they could. Mitch taught Lochlan how to waltz the box step. And he got him to lift weights (a water bottle filled to the correct weight). They had a great day together despite the circumstances.
Meanwhile I got to spend some much needed time with Luke. We spent time outside together, just talking, and Luke showed me how he’s improving his tomahawk and knife throwing skills.
I spent time trying to get food made for everyone. Lochlan has barely ate anything since he went into the hospital a week ago, so I needed to get some good nutrition and homemade goodness into him. I made a shepherd’s pie and Luke and I took it to the hospital so we could have a family dinner together.
Overall, today I just felt “off”. Like taking a step away from Lochlan and the hospital has allowed me to see just how big this whole situation is. And my nervous system is in turmoil about it. Moments of lightheadedness, weird belly, heart flutters…. Stress can do some wild things to a body. I made sure that I spent time outside grounding, drank lots of water, ate well, and went for a walk in our forest but the vastness of this whole situation, of our life being completely flipped upside down from Lochlan’s diagnosis, just hit me and weighed me down today. When I am in the hospital with him, I am focused and settled on helping him through. When I am out and away from him I feel completely lost and helpless.
So again, I turn to God to help me through. The bible says He is close to the brokenhearted, so He must be right beside me. And just as Lochlan needs me to be with him, I need God to be with me as we move forward one step at a time.
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